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April 1, 2005

Voucher battles nationwide called off

Frustrated at their 50-year inability to convince a skeptical public that vouchers somehow are compatible with leaving no child behind, a group of well-heeled organizations promoting vouchers has held an extraordinary press conference to concede that a nation as great as the United States should concentrate its efforts on improving education for all students by improving its public schools. "We have heard the undeniable message repeatedly sent by voters of all races, political parties, and income levels: They do not support diverting public dollars from our public schools to unaccountable private schools," says the statement from the Alliance Formerly for School Vouchers. "Our donors have told us it's time to stop throwing good money after bad." (The Alliance also noted on its website how liberating it felt finally to allow the "v" word to roll off their tongues, rather than twisting themselves into euphemistic knots with their "academic-opportunity-freedom passport-scholarships-for-choice-we really, really love children, why don't you?-grants.")

The organizations acknowledged that the millions of dollars they have poured into attacking public schools, running TV commercials, lobbying politicians, and paying advocates to masquerade as academic researchers instead actually could have gone a long way toward helping to educate real children. So, dedicated as they are to private enterprise, the groups announced that, hereafter, their many millions will be invested in helping public schools pay for private supplemental services. (Editor: Hey, give them a break, okay? Baby steps.)

Posted April 1, 2005 12:00 AM